I Drank the Pinterest Koolaid and This Is What Happened

I held off joining Pinterest for ages because I knew it would suck me in like a black hole.  Because I knew I would find my tribe there.  My Type A Martha Worshipping OCD wacknut tribe. 

And so it came to pass. 

About the same time I drank the Pinterest Koolaid, our awesome sitter brought over an empty plastic mayo jar one day because she really wanted to make a calm jar (aka Glitter Jar aka Time Out Jar aka WTH Were You Thinking?! Jar) with Bear.  Then she came down really sick and wasn't able to come for over a week, and Bear didn't want to wait. 

Because I'm the kind of person who has things like glitter glue and glycerine lying around - and by "lying around" I mean "in clearly labeled matching totes" - Bear knew that I knew that we could make it any time.

What do you mean why do I  have that stuff? Because... um... in case the zombie apocalypse comes and we need to, uuuuum, make motivational posters! And global warming dried out the gel frosting tint and we need artfully decorated cupcakes to distract them from our brains!  You know - reasons.

Anyway. I had the stuff and a small child bugging me to doooo eeeeet.  Because it would totally help him be calm and don't I want him to be calm so let's make the jar because then we'll all be calm and it will be awesome. 

I know. I can hear you laughing at me. SHUT UP.  I know. 

It was late winter. I was delirious with cabin fever.

There are a gazillion bloggers out there who write about this project in an adorably earnest way.  They talk about color schemes for the glitter and calibrate the viscosity of the jars to optimize settling time.  These are the same bloggers who photograph their children holding the are you freaking kidding me with glass mason jars finished project, smiling calmly.

If that's what you're hoping to find here, I cordially invite you to visit Pinterest and seek out a different kind of mommy.  This is more of a cautionary tale.

Shall we begin?

First, get out all the stuff.  Once the glitter starts flying around, you don't want to turn your back on the kid.

There are a number of variations on the ingredients across the interwebz.  I know. I read them all.  This is what I settled on:

Water
Glitter glue
Regular glitter
Food coloring
Glycerine
Dish soap
Clean lidded jar
Really strong glue

I can't stress the last one one enough - one blogger recommends E6000 (a kind of super glue), another says she glue gunned it.   I wish I'd tried either of those.

I was trying to get some sensory work out of this, so I let him squeeze the glitter glue.

Stirring between each step is optional, though I think it's a good idea.  I did it partly to gauge how much glitter I was going to let him unleash and partly because he just really likes to mix stuff.

Food coloring: as always, a little goes a long way.

This is what it looks like after you dump in the regular glitter - it just floats there.  That's where a few drops of dish soap come in.  It breaks the surface tension and lets the glitter sink into the water.

I took this picture mainly to show what the glycerine looked like in case you're looking for it.  Craft bloggers would have you believe it's easy to find in great big bottles.  I tried to 4 stores with no luck.  I finally broke down and used the 2oz bottle I keep with my cake decorating supplies.

I took this picture to show how much glitter gets out even when you're really, really trying not to make a mess.  And in case you were curious - yes, my child did just discover the fine art of photo bombing.  And like any 5 year old boy with anything annoying, he thinks it's awesome!

The finished product. You can get a sense of how much color you might want to put into the water.
I do think coordinating the water color and glitter color is a good idea.

This is why you use glitter glue and glycerine - the increased viscosity creates cool patterns.

I really debated what kind of glue to seal the lid with.  I had not yet discovered E6000 and after accidentally melting another plastic craft project I wasn't sure a glue gun was the right call.  I decided to try Elmer's.  I figured if I could still open the lid in a day or two, I'd seek out a stronger alternative.

Cut to the next day.  That's right, I said the next goddamn day.  Because in Bear's world, sometimes you've gotta resort to calculating the life span of objects in hours.

I heard a noise.  I went to look.  We played the "what happened" game.  I figured he had been frustrated or angry, hence the chucking of the jar.  He said no.  I started naming emotions (#YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf!) - he was thrilled to inform me that the emotion he'd been feeling was curiosity!  As in: I am curious how Mommy will react if I fling this as hard as I can!

If you ask him, he will gleefully re-enact the jar's flight pattern and show you where it hit, where the lid popped off, the trajectory of each bounce and where it finally landed.

I put him in the time out chair, which happens to overlook the spill.  I walked into the next room to count to ten and take deep breaths and all that jazz.  While I calmed down, Bear kept up a lively status report regarding the actions of his 13 month old brother.  Highlights included:

- Mooommmyyy!  Dude is walking in the glitteeeeerrrr!
- Moooommmmyyy! Dude is eating the glittteeerrrrrr!
- Moommmmyyyy!  Dude is making glitter footprints all down the haaaaaallll!

It's been 6 months.  I'm still finding glitter.

In case you're wondering about stain removal, of course I tried all the things. Yes, that one.  And that one.  That one, too.

Eventually, we named the stain Where The Zombie Died.  I put a throw rug on it.

Avengers Theme Half Birthday Party

Both my boys were stuck with birthdays that coincide with major winter holidays, and last year Bear started noticing that his friends had birthday parties with, well, other kids.

So, last summer I put into play the plan I'd had on the back burner from the moment I saw two lines on the stick and did the math... a summertime half birthday party that his friends could actually attend because they're not driving to Aunt Ethel's for the divorced side of the family's turkey dinner that Saturday.

Now I need to be clear about something.  This particular event did not live up to my normal Martha Was Here standards.  I was struggling with an autistic, behaviorally regressing 4 year old. And a new baby I was starting to suspect had sensory issues.  And I was just starting to work again.

It was slapdash at best.  I suspect some of these concepts will end up on someone's Pinterest fail post.  But the ideas were all mine, so I thought I should at least share them to give someone else the chance to do it better.

This one definitely gets filed under "Hey, the kids were happy."

Obviously there was more food than this for a party of 20+ people, these were just the themed items I managed to work out.

Thor's Hammers
I used a basic meatball recipe and rolled them out on a sheet pan lined with plastic wrap, then used a ruler and pizza cutter.  I baked them on a foil lined cooling rack over a sheet pan. In hindsight, I should have measured the depth of my hammer handle toothpicks before rolling out the meat.

Hulk Snacks
Obviously the toothpick holding these together is a problem for toddlers, something we quickly realized as the younger siblings of the boys the party was for enjoyed these muskmelon and red grape snacks.

My son was so enamored with these he continued to ask me for them months after the party.

Captain's Cupcakes
Yes, I do realize my cake decorating teacher would be mortified.  Thank you for asking.

(Whadaya want me to say?  It was nearly 100 degrees, the frosting was a melty mess and I did it with a baby hanging off my legs.) The shield was courtesy of Bear's Captain America action figure.

Cute Cups
This party was in 2012, when you couldn't set foot in a big box retailer without tripping over a display full of Avengers schwag.  You can still find plenty of Avengers items at party stores. I found a bunch of these cups in a Walmart dollar bin and snagged enough for each of the kids to take one home.  Their moms saw through my clever plan and I was left with a pile of Avengers cups, which Bear is perfectly happy about.

I should note that I did not buy the Black Widow one and I immediately regretted the oversight.  The lone girl at the party is one of my son's best friends, and she was genuinely upset there wasn't a girl super hero cup for her to use.  This summer I found a Wonder Woman cup and added it to the collection just for her. 

(And yes, I am aware Wonder Woman and the Avengers are from different comic 'verses.  Trust me, my husband will not let me forget it.)

That was pretty much it.  Oh, we did make limeade and called it Hulk Juice.  And forgot it in the fridge and the kids never really drank it. But later on the adults declared it delicious with vodka.


I'm On Pinterest! Shocker, eh?
Still haven't had time to sort out embedding a Pin It button, so here's a link to my Pinterest board with  these Avengers party ideas.

Laminated Painting Bookmark Craft

Last year for Mother's Day my son brought home from preschool the most perfect gift a writer and mom could ever receive: a bookmark made from a picture of him.  I loved it so much I've been actively looking for a way to do something similar ever since.

It was the first thing I thought of this spring when I was looking for an art project for the boys that was more springy, and less, well, Eastery.

I still had bookmarks in mind and I remembered pinning this celery paint stamp concept I'd seen in an issue of Martha Stewart and... voila!  Combination inspiration.

Just about any painting, drawing or photograph that can be recognizably represented within a 4" x 2" rectangle will work for this project.

MATERIALS
Paint supplies
Sturdy paper
Cut end from a bunch of celery
Ruler
Paper cutter (optional)
Laminator
Laminating pouches
Hole punch (optional)
Ribbon (optional)
Round corner punch (optional)

Time required: allow 24 hours so the painting can dry overnight


I got the counter all set up for Bear to do the painting phase of the project.  Which is to say, our resident artist Dude saw me get the painting stuff out and had to get in on the action.

Put this color here, Mommy!

 
We let him have at it until his interest waned.  Then I make the mistake of pulling out the celery for Bear, which Dude promptly stole. And tried to eat.
 

Bear was not amused that Dude was eating his art project

Daddy whisked the Dude away for his second favorite activity - playing in the bathtub - so Bear could get down to business.

Celery paint stamp test

We used neutral construction paper.  If we do this project again, I'll get some white card stock.

Bear is very linear and literal.  It took a lot of coaxing to get him to break away from from straight lines and let some of the flowers be partial along the edges.

Tip: We learned that you get a much cleaner, more recognizable flower impression if you coat the celery with a paint brush rather than dipping.

My favorite part was the lovely mixed color flowers that started to develop, but as you can see from the late afternoon light I didn't have time to explore that.  We set the finished painting aside to dry overnight.

We were able to cut 12 equal bookmarks from the finished painting (this is where the ruler comes in).  You don't have to have a paper cutter for this project, but it certainly makes this step fast and easy.

Because the whole point of this project was to make gifts for friends and family, Bear signed each one.  (He's still learning to write numbers, so I added the year myself.)

Tip: Depending on your kiddo and the number of bookmarks, you may need to break the signing step into multiple sessions.  Last year Bear would have needed at least three sessions, this year he really impressed me by getting through it in one.

I used a standard 4 3/8 x 6 1/2 laminating pouch for each bookmark.  You could also fit several into a standard letter size pouch, but I'm a klutz and didn't want to mess with trying to keep multiple items straight at once.

The kids can help with this step, but laminators get hot so it's obviously a "with adult supervision" situation. 

Sidebar: Look! I finally got a laminator!  And I loooooves it!  I got it to do some things for work. And for making therapeutic items like visual schedules and PECS cards and all that spectrum jazz.  But I love having it around because it opens up a whole new world of crafting and organizing projects.

 

I broke out the paper cutter again to trim the excess plastic, but as before, it's not a requirement.  I did a couple of one-off bookmarks recently and it was no big deal trim with scissors.

Tips:
- Trimming with scissors can leave sharp edges that will scratch, use extra care if cutting this way
- If the bookmark is crooked in the pouch, be sure to trim along the angle of the bookmark
- Refer to laminator's instructions for how close you can trim to the item without breaking the seal
- If you want to hole punch for the ribbon through the plastic and not the painting, be sure to leave at least a half inch of extra space along one edge
- Unless your kids are too old for this type of project, they probably should not be helping with the paper cutter.

A hole punch, corner round punch and color coordinated ribbon (I used necklace string from the jewelry making section of my local craft store) are optional.  The corner rounder makes finishing the edges much faster and easier.  The hole punch and ribbon are a nice touch, but purely personal preference.

We tried it both ways and unanimously decided we preferred the hole punch through the plastic and not the painting.  That's why (and I realize it's hard to see in this photo) one edge of the bookmark has wider plastic than the others.  

The corners of the bookmark are genuinely sharp and scratchy, so I think rounding them is a necessity.  I tried rounding some manually with scissors - it was slow and the results were inconsistent.  For myself I don't care as much (who am I kidding? It drove me crazy), but these were for gifts and I wanted to do better.

That said, the laminate is quite thick and sturdy, and the corner punch I bought was clearly intended for paper.  It was quite a challenge to get it to work on the laminated bookmarks.  We also learned that the smaller radius setting was too small and cracked the laminate; the larger radius setting worked (with significant effort).

The last step in the project was for Bear to carefully review the finished products and tell me which one he wanted to give to each friend and relative.  I was surprised and touched at how much it mattered to him.  After the obligatory familial gifts were dispensed, we gave them to people who have supported us through some rough times with Bear.  It made me so happy to see he realized their importance in his life, and I made sure each one he chose made it to the right person.

I'm on Pinterest! No, seriously. I am.

I'm a total loser and haven't worked out how to embed Pin It button in posts yet.  If you're so inclined, here's a link to my original pin of this project for easy re-pinning.

Game of Life

I left the house all by myself today. 

I can hear what you're thinking and... YES!  That statement does deserve balloons and confetti.  But I don't know the emoticon for that.

Anyhoo.  I was at Staples and turned around to see my former boss's boss.  A warm, smart, funny woman with an effortlessly tasteful, classic style. I both worshiped and was utterly intimidated by her at my last job.

My immediate thought after recognizing her was "Damn, she even manages to make jeans on a Sunday afternoon look classy."

Even though it's been 9 years she recognized me, came right over to give me a big hug, and then we spent a few moments catching up.

As I was driving home, I - the sloppy, exhausted, work from home, yoga pants addicted, special needs mom - realized the unbelievable luck that the one time I bump into this woman I admire so much, that:

- I had just showered
- My hair and makeup were done
- I was wearing my favorite casual yet grown up yet fun outfit
- With cute boots
- I was shopping to upgrade my office equipment
- Because the business I quit her department to start is so successful
- And I weigh 50 pounds less than the last time she saw me

So for today? I am winning. 

Also? I don't think the Universe can send a more clear signal I should go buy a lottery ticket.

Another Kind of Awareness

It's April again.  In general, I don't really engage in the Autism Awareness Month thing beyond that random situation everyday life sent our way last year.

But this time around, I felt like I actually had something relevant to contribute to the awareness conversation. 

The stated purpose of this annual event is to "educate the public about Autism."  But that's not the kind of awareness I'm here to talk about.  There are plenty of people doing that.

For this family, this year, we're working our way through another kind of awareness altogether.  The kind that is deep and personal and doesn't need a public campaign.  The kind that happens in its own time, and can never be relegated to a month on the calendar.

Self awareness.

Last spring, I gratefully took in the collective wisdom the spectrum community shared after I wrote this post asking for advice when it became clear it was time to tell Bear about this important aspect of himself.

Not surprisingly, the overwhelming advice was that it doesn't have to be - and probably shouldn't be - a big, stressful, sit-down conversation.  That it was better for everyone if the information was given in bite size, age appropriate pieces at moments when he was receptive.

He was obviously ready. He was starting to ask questions.  The kind of questions that were impossible to properly address without autism being part of the answer.

So over about six months, we had short little talks.  About things like how his special brain made some things harder for him, about how everybody is different in some way and how we would always be here to help him figure things out.

The only time he really caught me off guard was a day he was struggling with something and asked, "Mommy, what if I didn't have a special brain?"

Pillow pile is a favorite!

I swallowed the lump in my throat and told him that his special brain is what makes him who he is, and that he is perfect.

Not too long ago - right around his 5th birthday - Bear came to me and asked if I could help him put the bean bag on his platform swing, because "it helps my special brain feel calm."  He's been doing more of that lately - identifying what sensory input he needs and asking me to help him get it.

As I pushed his swing, something told me it was time.  He was calm and focused, telling me about the different ways he likes to play on his swing and how it makes him feel better.

I told him how proud I am of him for working so hard to learn how to feel better.  I asked him if he remembered when we talked about how having a special brain like his has a name.  He said yes.  I asked him if he wanted to know what the name was.  He said yes.

I took a deep breath and said "It's called Autism."

Bear asked "I have Autism?"  I said yes.

Then? My Bear shouted "I have AUTISM!! WOO HOOOO!! I'm AWESOME!!"  And ran off to play.

I know this was just the first step for him down the long, difficult path to self awareness.  Of eventually understanding, accepting and navigating the challenges this neurology presents.

But you know what? I think he's off to a fantastic start.

Another Guest at the Party

The people who live in my head are an eclectic bunch. Some days it's like I made all the relatives who don't get along sit together at a dinner party for the fun of watching 'em duke it out.

There's the chick who cares deeply about getting healthy for herself and her kids.  She's closely related to recycling chick, organic co-op chick and composting chick.

And then there's the chick who woke up Sunday morning and begged her husband for Dunkin Donuts. Because it's always time for a Boston Creme.

She's closely related to the chick who used to eat fast food every day for lunch and considered McRib a celebratory season.  Like Christmas! And Girl Scout Cookies!

Tis the season!

*la la la la laaaa*

That's me pretending I don't hear you asking why I'm eating donuts and Girl Scout Cookies if I'm supposed to be cutting gluten from my "didn't I just figure out I'm gluten sensitive?" diet.

What can I say? The landlord still hasn't reviewed gluten free chick's apartment application.  She's still crashing on my couch and pointing out every time I have a big honkin' post-bread coughing, sneezing, runny nose, throat-closing allergy attack.

Anyway, after eating half my body weight in donuts I felt guilty, so I went all crazy and bought a juicer.

Pop Quiz:  Which part of the previous statement is patently absurd?

omnomnom

A) I binged on donuts
B) I felt guilty
C) I did something impulsive

Obviously, the answer is C.  I mean, donuts speak for themselves. And B? Raised Catholic.

In spite of the tomato guts still stuck on my ceiling from a misguided experiment with a borrowed juicer about 7 years ago, I've been giving the juicing thing serious thought for some time.

Like, years. Because in case you're new here... if I am certain of one thing, it is that anything worthy of consideration is worthy of analyzing to death.

After reading a good bit, seeing several food/health documentaries that discussed it, asking everyone I've ever met if they have a juicer and what they think about it... you know. Research!

5) Joe is my age

And really? Finally feeling like it was a step I was ready to take.  That's key when you're aristocracy in the kingdom of I Fear Change.

What really sold me, in "today's the day!" kind of way was this:

1) I'm at a place in my life where I happily fill the fridge with stuff like kale
2) I like kale? When did that happen?!
3) I already compost (Hello, last year's Lifestyle Change I Was Finally Ready To Make! *waves*)
4) I totally had a coupon

Also? Because the good folks at America's Test Kitchen are freakishly attuned to my buying habits, they once again published testing reviews for the exact appliance I was interested in at the exact moment I was shopping for it. And I have learned if you do what ATK tells you, good things will follow.

Truth is, I can't link to their article because it's not free content. (Yes, I pay my monthly tithing to the Kitchen Gods and Cook's Illustrated is my bible.)  But - spoiler alert! - I can totally tell you how the story ends.

I give you... the Breville Juice Fountain Plus JE98XL

oooooo, shiiiiiiny!!

Link is to the obvious online retailer, but if you want to save 30 bucks (what I did), get it at your local BBB and use one of the 20% off coupons that are probably in your mailbox right now. Or your recycling bin. Or your bird cage. 

Seriously. These people send a lot of coupons.

Of course, the Bear could. Not! WAIT!! To try the new machine! Because SHINY! And it has a switch that goes up and... get this... down!

Whole Living: Green Lemonade

Imagine his 5 year old boy joy when he discovered it takes roughly half a second for an entire apple to explode in a vibrant burst of juicy, appley fireworks!

Imagine my 40 year old mommy joy when he and his baby brother went crazy over fresh juice made from spinach, cucumber and apples!

Short version of my thoughts on the machine: It rocks. And yes, it's (relatively speaking) easy to clean. If you want more detail, immerse yourself in reviews with the convenient Amazon link noted above.  And it's just a coincidence I ended up with the same machine from the juicing movie - I didn't even watch that movie until after I bought it. 

My ultimate health fantasy is for the juicer to replace my coffee maker in my life and on my counter.  (Because counters must be as empty as possible at all times. Or the world will end.)

And just to be clear about the difference between juicing and doing a juice fast... no, I'm not there. Yet.  I think I'll get there, but not this week.  Maybe this summer, when the farmer's markets will make it fun and affordable.  For now, I'm content to replace breakfast and the occasional lunch with fresh vegetable juice.  It's only been a couple of days, but this already feels like what I needed to finally purge gluten from my morning routine.

For now, foodie chick is enjoying the new appliance rush enough that the rest of us got a contact high and we're ignoring the chick who's allergic to clutter screaming about the big thing taking up the space where there should be, um... space.

Even though I've come a long way from 275 lb infertile undiagnosed thyroid/adrenal/PCOS pre-diabetic almost daily migraine chick, she's still in there somewhere, reminding me how awful it was to not be able to get out of bed.  Scared if we don't keep taking steps forward like this, that we'll be in danger of sliding back to where we were.  But she's also an optimist, and is quite hopeful that adding this to triathlon and yoga and all the rest will finally do the trick to take off that pesky last 90 pounds.

This was a big step for me.  But I think I'm going to be really happy letting the chick no one wants to talk about juicing with join the party in my head.

Misguided Muse

Sometimes I'm tempted to let the crazy people who live in my head have a little more freedom to see where it would take my writing.  After all, some of the greatest works of art and literature came from troubled minds.

But common sense always prevails, as I have to acknowledge that such an experiment is less likely to land me on the NY Times Best Sellers List than on an episode of Hoarders shrieking "Don't touch the cats! They're in alphabetical order!"